I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
