Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
