I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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