lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
