he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
