and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
