I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
