My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
