entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
