found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
