Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
