you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize