he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize