What did we do last night that was yellow?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
