Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the day after is always just damage control
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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