I cannot find my penis.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize