please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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