oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
