I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
