Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
