the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
