Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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