were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
