My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
