apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
