highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize