I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
