Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
