Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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