oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
