508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
