i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dear god my vagina.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
