I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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