just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
