dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
