look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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