why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
