I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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