I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
