oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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