either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize