Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
