At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Randomize
