dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
