how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
