I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
