five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
