you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
