Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
