idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize