Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
