You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
