meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
