from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
