What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
