I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
