Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
