She said her name was "party"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
