the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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