they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
