That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
