Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
