You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
